Wednesday, April 8, 2020

Housework part 2 and the latest joke from James!

A pair of posts today from James:

Housework Part 2
I wrote earlier about my newfound fascination with housework, and I am now able to confirm that my enthusiasm is undiminished, indeed it has redoubled.

The work itself is absorbing but in addition to the feelings of rapturous joy at seeing spotless kitchen surfaces and carpets devoid of any biscuit crumbs, I am learning so much. For example I can now change the filters on a vacuum cleaner and I know which squeezy bottle to use for cleaning bathroom mirrors without leaving unsightly smears. My mother would be proud – and no doubt rather surprised.

Like most vacuum cleaners ours has a variety of different heads which can be fitted onto the end of the hose. Before the lockdown unlocked my domestic fervour I had no idea what all these different heads were for. For all I knew they might have been parts of a Kenwood Chef which somehow had got into the wrong box. Not only do I now know what they do  but I am becoming quite skilled at using them. Furthermore , I also know how a Kenwood Chef works.

As you would expect, I am constantly making copious notes as I scrub and polish everything in sight. I have it in mind to write a book when this is all over which would be a combination of a textbook and a motivational guide. Move over Mrs Beeton! I confidently expect film rights and a TV series to follow shortly after publication.

While I am ever deeper into the wonderful world of domestic science, Ursula continues unbated with her studies of classical guitar and is getting better by the day. I am aware that some other Green Gym ladies can also play a musical instrument and am therefore wondering if  a girl band might be in the offing – how about ‘The Green Gymslips’?
-James


And the joke...

The Green Gym Short List
The Abingdon Green Gym were getting a little short in numbers and wanted about a half dozen new members, so it was decided to advertise in the local paper. The Chairman (C) and the Secretary (S) met to review the replies.

C. How many responses have we had? 
S. Well, 35 replied to the advertisement but we do not want that many, so I have whittled them down to a short list of six. We should meet them soon.
C. Good. That’s fine. I guess that you’ve already taken a look through the replies. What sort of people are they ?
S. Quite impressive actually. I feel sure they will be valuable additions to our team. To give you a flavour, one of them spent fifteen years as a lumberjack in northern Canada, another planted a ten acre forest on the slopes of Ben Nevis entirely unaided, and a third is exceptionally strong having been a champion all-in wrestler for some years past. The other three are much the same.
C. Wow, they all sound ideal for our group. Do you have any reservations or doubts at all?
S. Yes. I was quite surprised to find that no men replied to our ad’.

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